Keeping it short because holy wow, is this what dialup has always been like?

We're semi-housesitting for a neighbor this weekend. "Semi" because it's just a few houses down from our place, so we're in and out rather than here all the time.

So far this evening, HGTV has been doing its best to inform us how badly we need A) A high-powered mower/trimmer, B) Space bags, and C) Some European technology cream that will "Impruv" me immeasurably.

Raxacoricofallapatorius is lucky this isn't our usual fare. She probably would have been named Spray Foam.