Saturday, December 09, 2006

(2 x Rock) + VO5 = Recipe for Disaster



Prepare ahead:
  • Receive one bottle White Diamonds perfume (by Elizabeth Taylor) as a gift. Store in closet because it is noxious.
  • As relatives plan visits, request Sunkissed Raspberry Conditioner (by Alberto VO5) one too many times. End up with five bottles. Place one on edge of tub and one in downstairs shower. Store remaining three bottles in closet.
When you are ready for your Disaster to commence:
  • Consume one can Rock Ice beer (by Florida Ice & Farm) with dinner.
  • Remove one set clean sheets from closet, knocking Conditioner into Perfume. Watch the graceful, if brief, ballet of two bottles plummeting to a tile floor.
  • Add whining, barefoot children to taste. Surly husband optional.
  • Sweep, mop, etc. as needed.
  • Become pale and dizzy. Begin shaking.
  • Consume one restorative ice cream sundae.
  • Quietly appreciate unsalvageable condition of noxious Perfume (however, we do suggest avoiding overt celebration while in the presence of original gift giver.)


meredith December 10, 2006 7:25 AM  

Maybe we could trade some Gloss Slide dental floss for some conditioner. We made the mistake of telling too many americans we liked that floss, and we must have a 100 kilometers of that stuff in our closets now.

charlotte December 10, 2006 2:47 PM  

You are so polite! My disaster would include the air being blue with swearing.

Jennifer December 11, 2006 7:39 AM  


juliloquy December 11, 2006 11:43 AM  

Oh, man. Well written. I'm remembering how my best friend in Jr. High LOVED White Diamonds. Even then, I couldn't quite understand the appeal. So sickly sweet.

Also, good thing no lit matches were around!

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