Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The splitter splatter of little feet

So we had a quilt guild meeting last night.

The creation of committees--including a refreshment committee--was on the agenda, but the board members were supposed to bring something for this meeting.

Last month, before the board was created, I had been at the initial planning meeting and had volunteered to bring some cookies to that meeting as well. That time, I forgot until the last minute and picked something up at the grocery store, then misjudged rush hour and arrived after the refreshments had already been consumed.

This month I planned to redeem myself by bringing something homemade. I had a busy but relaxed day yesterday, getting the treasury report up to date and fiddling around with the membership list. I made a lovely refreshment that the recipe calls "blondies" (as opposed to brownies, you know), which are essentially a chocolate chip bar cookie.

They looked done before the time was up, but I left them in and they didn't burn or anything, so that was good. I poked them with a knife when I took them out and they seemed okay inside - maybe a little soft, but I decided that was just because they were still hot.

So I left the pan on a wire rack (thanks Dad! If I hadn't had that, I'd have left the pan on top of the stove...) to cool while I got the last of my things together. When I went back downstairs and looked in the pan, there were these random depressions in the surface, as if it had not, in fact, been fully cooked, and had fallen a bit, but only in certain spots.

Then it occurred to me that these certain spots were all of a certain size and a certain shape, and that's when I realized that my freaking cat had walked across the pan, leaving footprints in the still-hot cookie stuff. Of course I immediately went into salvage mode...Is there time to make more? (Nope) How bad is it? Can it be fixed? Has this thing really come to pass?

It's true that the cat has taken to walking across the counters because, even though she always always ALWAYS has fresh water in her own private spot by her food, she never never NEVER drinks there, so she is forced (by circumstances, don't you see?) to seek her liquid sustenance elsewhere. Like mainly in the kitchen sink. My grand plan to thwart her evil machinations has been to keep the dishes always washed and the sink dried out with a cloth so she'll learn not to bother. (What are you laughing at? I COULD wash my dishes as soon as they're used.)

I examined the dessert closely and didn't find any actual SIGN of the cat, other than, you know, the footprints. Maybe it was my imagination. She had been lying on the stairs all afternoon. Maybe she was still there. Maybe I made this all up. But no, there she was, lying on the couch. Still. The stuff was hot. Don't animals have instincts? Wouldn't she have gone around? I went over and checked her feet. No crumbs. I actually got down and smelled her feet.

They smelled like cat litter. The dessert stayed home.

Updated - Because I know how much you care:


lisa March 08, 2006 3:17 PM  

(whispering)...okay, just between you and me, you are still going to eat them, right?

Jennifer March 08, 2006 5:52 PM  

Hell yeah. Well, you know, except for the actual footprint parts.

But I just couldn't see bringing it to a meeting with a bunch of little old ladies and Costa Rican housewives who mop the whole house every morning and cook three hot meals a day.

(Rita, Carolyn, Jan: Of COURSE I don't mean YOU...)

Dad March 08, 2006 7:27 PM  

You're welcome.

Lisa's question and your response answered the question I was going to ask. (You know, about the missing pieces in the photo.)

I guess Mom and I didn't pass along any germ-consciousness to you. (And I'll bet it tastes just great!)

Scott March 08, 2006 8:22 PM  

I wouldn't eat them. But I would leave the toilet seat up and not worry about it. Seems a little bit of a difference of opinion.

lisa March 08, 2006 8:29 PM  

Okay, I'm not touching that one. But I am with you all the way, sister. And thanks for the picture. I was wishing for one earlier.

Anita March 08, 2006 8:34 PM  

That is very, VERY funny.

Jennifer March 08, 2006 9:42 PM  

Umm, Dad, are you missing the part where, if I hadn't had the wire rack I'd have left the pan on the stove where the cat has never set foot??

As for the germ consciousness, of course I've got me some of that but, as Scott points out, it's all about personal boundaries.

Cat footprints = localized nast
Toilet seat up = airborne nast

Ergo, you can safely cut away the nastified bits of cookie, but you really really shouldn't leave the lid up (regardless of gender).

Scott March 09, 2006 5:26 AM  

nast is nast!!!

Dot March 09, 2006 8:34 AM  

Jenn, this probably should be one of those "don't ask, don't tell" policies. Dot

Jennifer March 09, 2006 9:44 AM  

Oh, indubitably so.

That's part of why I didn't take it to the meeting - I knew I wouldn't be able to resist telling the story if I did. And since I was on the agenda for three separate announcements, I'd have had everyone's attention for sure.

Besides, this way I got to have chocolate chip (chocolate mini chip) cookies for dinner, breakfast, lunch, coffee break...

Dad March 09, 2006 4:57 PM  

Ahhhh....but are you feeding them TO YOUR CHILDREN, whose health and safety is, ultimately, ENTIRELY IN YOUR HANDS???!!!

Think, I beg of you, of all those teesy tiny particles of cat litter which dropped off of her paws as she lifted them (albeit gingerly) from one print to the other, and which were carried on the (albeit gentle) breeze occasioned by the movement of her furry body as she worked her way across the pan!

Scott March 09, 2006 6:58 PM  

I didn't write it

mom March 10, 2006 12:27 PM  

Remember the Swiss chocolate bar with the worm? It hadn't eaten much, and we enjoyed the rest, while indulging in some mid-afternoon cards. (Wine too, perhaps? I don't actually remember that part.)

This WAS before children - that is, your children - I believe.

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